April has been quite the month for me, and I don't say that in a good way.
I wanted to post a blog in March but it was too negative for you guys to read, I felt like I had to take a step back and figure things out on my own.
This month felt like a long, endless pause that I couldn't shake off, nothing wrong in particular was going on (although you can always blame it on the Mercury retrograde), but I just lost the will to do anything. I found it extremely hard to get out of bed every day, to be active and engaged on social media. to meet the goals I've set, although I've been on a pretty good run for the past 4 months. I just could not bring myself to act the same anymore.
Now that I'm (slowly but surely) getting back on track, I wrote a list of things that I usually intend to do when I'm having that "screw it" mindset.
- I eat unhealthy food (sodium overload)
- I start gossiping more and enjoy having superficial conversations with people
- Avoid looking at myself in the mirror (really look)
- Avoid meditating
- Always listening to music/watching something in the background for distraction
- Not trust my own instinct
- Argue more with people
- Worry too much
- Think more about what I don’t have “the lack”
- Heavy social media consumption
- Reckless money spending
- Feeling sluggish
- Not being there for others (cause of abandoning myself)
I urge you to write your own list if you can remember a certain kind of pattern you usually take when you're feeling negative. It helps a lot for your unconscious mind to notice these behaviors before they develop more.
If there's anything I took from the month of April is to be kind to yourself, don't punish yourself for not reaching a certain goal or for not scratching that thing off of your to-do list, you'd be surprised by the things you learn about yourself when you actually forgive yourself, take a break and eat instant ramen while watching animal documentaries every day.